Signs You Are Old

It's totally inevitable. Try as I might to evade and avoid it the reality is I am getting older.  Not you! - the reader.  You are still young and fabulous, no doubt. I speak only of myself.  And to prove my point I offer the following, overwhelming evidence.

I own an old people stock
It takes a certain mindset (associated with aging) to find yourself searching stocks by dividend yield percentages. You realize that you're about to purchase a stock where management can't think of anything better to do with their hard fought gains than to give them back to the investors.  The type of management (and company) that would have been anathema to invest in up to now.  And then, your brain clicks and it seems like a dandy idea. I'm there. 

Yep.  I bought (and retain) my first 'dividend stock'.  Purchased to get that dividend payment every quarter.  And to sit around talking to other old people about it; comparing it to their dividend stocks.

Well, put the coffee pot on; I'm ready to join the conversation.

I hear about what a crappy driver I am far too often
If it were true it would be worse. Still, listening to people that have crashed and destroyed cars (at much younger ages than I am at I might add) express concerns about my driving abilities is a disconcerting indicator that I must be getting older.  Can everyone be wrong?

I will say publicly that I do not want to be that old person whose keys are taken away far later than would have assured society a solid chance at survival. I would hope I possess the humility to accept the natural decay of my abilities with grace.  But if I'm not, please do your duty and pry them from my bony fingers.

Before that time, however, please allow me to assure you.  I always get to where I am going whether or not I drive an optimum path to get there.  And, growing up I came by a certain degree of vigilance the hard way - and have always, and continue to endeavor to avoid receiving or administering harm. So be kind to the old guy.

I own an adjustable bed frame
Further, to support the supposition that I am getting old I offer this:  I just recently purchased an adjustable bed frame.

Tell me you've never visited a parent or grandparent in the hospital and coveted one of these beauties! I readily admit I have. Today they're not just for patients - they're for pre-patients too!  And, it came with a 20 year warranty so I can enjoy the benefits of acid-reflux free bed lounging for years to come.  Restless leg syndrome?  Hah! A thing of the past!

Two out of three ain't bad
I like the dividend checks and my pre-patient bed status; although I could live without the driving critics. Or, to summarize using the words of the 1977 classic Meatloaf ballad - "Two out of three ain't bad".

Which brings me to my final point.  When you summarize your life using 1970's music lyrics... you might be old.