Now here's something I bet you never thought would happen;
I won a recipe contest!
I didn't even have that
on my bucket list ;)
Technically, the winner has not been officially awarded. However, following review of my submittal the contest referee immediately rewarded me (dessert of my choice!) regardless of the final outcome. Sweet! Visit
odetogoodness.com - which is only getting better and better - to see all the entries - i.e., mine and the losers' ;). To save you some time.. here is a reprint (with some much needed editorial cleanup!):
WHITE COW STEAK
Ahhh.. your request for quick dinners that pack a lot of punch brought me back to my life as a young man dating the woman of my dreams. Every Sunday after church her family would put on a “Midwesterner’s feast” replete with generous portions of meat and potatoes around the large kitchen table. My most fond memories of those dinners remains a little treat we called White Cow Steak. The recipe requires the proper hardware, some fortitude and dedication – but the results are beyond satisfying. Bon appetite!
Ingredients:
- 1 white calf
- 10 acre homestead – complete with barn/barnyard
- 1 or more pitch forks
- Rope
- Backup underwear, as required
- A cattle trailer
- A butcher
- A freezer
- Meat mallet (tenderizer)
- Steak seasoning
- A strong set of jaws
Preparation:
1. Attend a cattle auction at which you procure an unruly, white calf. Allow the calf to run free across your 10 acre homestead during its formative months – grazing on corn and the delicious grasses that grow plentifully across the Midwest.
2. As the calf matures – attempt to domesticate it in order to take it to the County Fair and ‘show it’ in the ring.
3. Become acutely aware that the White Cow has no interest in being domesticated due to such behaviors as jumping the barnyard fence to run free in the open pasture and charging you when you try to re-capture it.
4. Accept that this cow is only good for Sunday dinner.
5. Attempt to impress girlfriend by assisting in re-capturing the beast by taking a pitchfork and rope into the pasture after the 20th time the White Cow escapes from the barn. Stand firm and brandish the pitchfork when the cow bears down on you. Change underwear, as required.
6. Weary the animal out by repeated, failed attempts to capture it – substantially toughening the meat through continuous exercise. At point of exhaustion, apprehend utilizing rope and many helpers.
7. Perp walk White Cow into cattle trailer and drive to local butcher.
8. Return after three days to pick up packaged steaks. Store in freezer.
9. Each Sunday walk to freezer and extract steaks for each participant in feast. Thaw steaks.
10. Taking a firm grip and stance – wield meat mallet, baseball bat, hammer or other weighted object like a warrior – and beat the living… daylights… out of the tough flesh.
11. Apply seasonings and place directly over heat. Cook to desired doneness.
12. Set completed steaks in honored position on table as prayers are offered for the meal. Thank God for His provision of the unruly beast and the invention of fire, steel (for knives, mallets and pitchforks) and seasonings.
13. Summoning all the arm and jaw strength you possess, hack through the tough old cow, shove a slab of meat into your mouth and chew.
14. While waiting to restore strength for the next bite – regale each other with stories about the White Cow.
