The Oddest Things Can Make You Proud

Julie, Hannah and I went to Yosemite this weekend to hike Half Dome.  I'd show you great pictures.. but they were on the camera that I left on a log while we were coming back down the mountain.  Even after racing a half mile back up the mountain to attempt to retrieve it - it was gone.  It may not be lost; I'm hoping it will show up in lost and found.  We'll see.  But for now you'll have to settle for word pictures.  It's probably best, anyways - because many of the memories I have weren't captured on film.  So, allow me to tell you a little about our trip.

VERNAL FALLS
We arrived at the trail head early in the morning (before 6:00) since it was going to be a scorcher (it was 100+ degrees); desiring to get as far up as we could before the sun and heat set in.  The first major climb comes as you head up the Mist Trail to Vernal Falls.  This is a very demanding climb for two reasons.  First, is the physical aspect of it - it's straight up!  Second, for me anyways, is the fact that you are very close to the edge of the cliffs from time to time as you climb.  The trail itself meanders up the mountain and is inundated from mist and water from the falls - adding an element of complexity to the ascent.  At one point I started to panic about the heights.  My hands were clammy and my fear was high.  At the same time, Julie was having a very difficult time, physically making the climb and was starting to feel ill and dizzy.  I am so proud to tell you that Hannah was an amazing encouragement and help to both of us in our times of trouble.  She calmly got me to see that I was only a short distance from the safety of some guide rails along the trail.  I was able to calm down and make it to the rails.  At the same time she was able to keep Julie moving up the mountain towards me (I was above them at the time).  Julie was actually in pretty bad shape.  Her eyes were rolling and her lips were blue.  She was having a difficult time.  But, she threw up, drank some water, got a little food and started to feel better.  And, she kept moving.  After awhile we were at the top of the falls.  This is where I'd show you some cool waterfall pictures.  So, close your eyes and just imagine millions of gallons of water racing down the Sierra Nevada and over a cliff; spilling towards the ocean.  It was spectacular.

TO NEVADA FALLS
The next part of the trip is from the top of Vernal Falls to the top of Nevada Falls - covering another couple of miles.  While it was a tough trek, we made it to the top in good spirits and together. 

TO THE BASE OF HALF DOME
The third leg of the hike up to Half Dome is another 4.0 miles up the side of the mountain.  There were some flat spots along the way.. which were heavenly.  But, soon, we were climbing steadily again.  Think of it as walking on a granite stair stepper for hours.  It's a very tough trip.  At one point Hannah separated from Julie and I and scampered alone up ahead of us.  She was determined to make it all the way up and not sure if the 'parentals' were going to make it!  I was extremely proud of her in that moment. Family times are important - but you want your kids to be willing to be independent and to go after their dreams if need be.  Her ability to respectfully 'ditch us' and follow her desires made me respect the woman she has become.

The rest of that 4.0 miles Julie and I spent together.  Sometimes climbing.  Sometimes resting.  But we found a way to do something together that would have been exceedingly difficult to achieve independently.  I honestly don't think she would have made it up alone.  And I can't tell you how my heart was bursting in pride and admiration when we crested the tree line and were almost to the top.  That Julie could achieve such an amazing feat astounded me.  In talking with Hannah on the way down she, too, said that she was shocked that we made it up as far as we did.

THE SWITCHBACKS
Once at the top of the tree line - there are two additional climbs you have to do.  First, are the 'switchbacks' which are more tight granite steps - zigzagging back and forth - up the sheer face of the mountain.  Julie was simply too tired to try those - so I gave it a try.  I made it about 1/3rd of the way up before my fear of heights made it too difficult to continue.  You're basically just walking up granite stairs on the side of a steep cliff face. It was beautiful.  I don't know that I've ever been that high up before on a mountain.  The views (imagine panoramic mountain landscapes. the mountains in the background still replete with snow pack) were magnificent; but also terrifying to my height-fearing brain.  My journey ended there as I retreated back to the relative security of the tree line.

THE CABLES
Hannah made it to the top of the switchbacks and onto the cables.  She described the cables as two steel hand rails strung up the 83 degree steep (actually about 45 degree angle)  mountain side with two-by-fours bolted to the mountain every six feet or so for foot support.  You literally have to PULL YOURSELF up the remaining 100 yards or so of the face of the mountain.  As she greeted us when she came down she was literally in tears.  The experience of being on the cables had frightened her beyond belief.  She even experienced vertigo at one point.  And yet she kept going.  She was literally 5 two-by-fours away from the top when she realized that she was just too exhausted to summit.  In that moment she needed to decide to put herself at further risk and try to make the top or to turn around and come back down while she had the energy to do so safely.  She decided to come down.  I just stood there and hugged her as she sobbed and released some of the deep emotion of her final journey.  If you know Hannah you know that she would have made the top if she could have.  She had given it everything inside her and come so close.

FAILURE AND SUCCESS
I don't want to get too philosophical - but I must say that it is possible that someone could look at what we did and say we failed.  Julie failed to try the switchbacks.  I failed to fully conquer my fear of heights on the Mist Trail and the switchbacks.  Hannah failed to summit.  And I suppose those are one set of realities about this trip.  But what Julie and I discussed on the way home was what a huge success the trip had been.  It was flat out hard.  It wasn't 'fun' in the classic sense of the word but it was highly rewarding.  We definitely pushed ourselves way out of our individual comfort zones and did more, physically than we thought we could.  It was also a success emotionally.  Like all people we want to succeed.  And we want our children to experience success.  But, you have to figure out exactly what success you're looking for.  At some point you recognize that being free to fail IS success.  At some point you accept that being able to be yourself - foibles and all - in front of your spouse or your parents or your children IS success.  And at some point your children realize that all you want for them is to try to experience as much in life as they are able - without concern for the final result.  That IS success.

I discovered pride in the midst of Julie's puking and pushing herself.  I discovered pride when Hannah walked away from us.. and came back running into our arms for comfort.  I discovered pride for all of us as we drove away with sore bodies and memories for a lifetime.  I discovered some self pride as I realized that I didn't miss my camera - I was missing the pictures of my little girl and beautiful wife up on that mountain.  Sometimes the oddest things can make you proud.