One of the joys of having kids that are a little bit older is that we can share a funny story or two that otherwise would be inappropriate. As such and since both of my kids are brilliant.. and loved Chemistry.. I pass this slightly off color joke I received today along for your consumption. Please let me know if you find it patently offensive and I will immediately take it down. I just thought it was too cute to not pass along. Also, since my great friend Tim Logan went to Washington.. he will be justifiably proud of his fellow student!
HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given in a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Hip History....
7 years ago
4 comments:
I would have to disagree with this young man. Scientifically speaking, cold is the absence of heat. When something (or somewhere) is cold, it is not generating coldness, but merely lacks as much heat as its surroundings. In a closed environment (which I think hell qualifies as, since once your in, as the young man mentioned, you don't come out), energy wants to reach equilibrium. Thus, when you touch something "cold," you are really experiencing the energy transfer between your warmer hand and the colder object until they reach equilibrium. I would argue that hell is endothermic and absorbs the heat from incoming souls (sucks the life out of them), and in the case of this young man's story there just weren't enough souls crossing over keep it warm. If this is indeed the case and hell needs a little help warming back up, we could just send said young man down to tell his story, cause he's blowing enough hot air to keep hell nice and toasty for a good long while. They don't call it a "story" for nothing!
Well done Joel!
Come on.. anyone else?
See, padre...good things come to those who wait :D
I'm waiting for Joanne's explanation.
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